What I struggle with everyday.
I never really know whether I should share my inner most thoughts with everyone. There is a saying that you should never wash your dirty washing in public. Which would suggest that I shouldn’t. There are several blog posts within this blog that I have written and which I have never published. No doubt someone will publish them after a die. something for you all to look forward to – the publication of my dirty washing, not me dying …. I hope! So, here goes, what I really struggle with…
Climbing those mountains
Mountains and Ladder Analogy
I have this analogy which is firmly stuck in my head that I really cannot shift at all. I’m no artist, which is quite apt when you get to the end of this blog post, so I am going to have to describe it.
Picture a mountain. You are stood at the bottom of the mountain, looking up at the summit high above you. There is no apparent way to get up there. You want to reach the summit, but the climb looks dangerous and difficult. Luckily you have not arrived at the mountain unprepared. You have some ladders. These are of various lengths and sizes. but you have a few and the summit appears to be achievable. So you prop up a ladder and start to climb…
What does it all mean?
So what does everything represent. Well I see the mountain as what I would like to achieve. The summit is the pinnacle of that achievement, the point when I will be able to stand and look back on the journey and celebrate the what and where I have achieved. The ladders are my skills and talents, and my perseverance my desire to reach the summit.
This is what I how I think about most of the things I do. I look at the final achievement and then start to climb those ladders. I reach out to pick up a new ladder as I learn to do things or use my existing talents. With each ladder I prop up and climb I get a little bit closer to my achievement. But there always appears to be quite a gap between where my ladders take me and the summit. And it is then, that a realise, my ladders are not long enough.
I really like to challenge myself and I really want to achieve things, but it would appear that I don’t really have the talents and/or skills (the ladders) to achieve what I want to achieve. And, no matter what the mountain I would like to climb and conqueror, the story is the same, I don’t have the ladder(s) long enough.
And as if to add insult to injury, I see other climbers, starting behind me and, being a generous soul, I help them up (which I have no issue with) only to see them use longer ladders to go pass me and to reach the summit.
Do I have any talents?
To summarise, I don’t actually think I have the skills and talents that I need to reach the achievements I set myself. Often I might be ‘good’ at something, but I am never ‘known’ for anything. I often tell myself that it is not important and I don’t want to be acknowledged for anything. I don’t want to be accepted into teams or inner circles. But this sadly is just a defense mechanism. If I say I don’t want to be acknowledged then it won’t matter much when I don’t get anything. I often say to myself that it doesn’t matter and I look over the terrain until I see another mountain which I will attempt to climb, but this often results in getting halfway to the summit and leaving the mountain.
One day, I hope that I will find a mountain I can use my existing skills and talents to get to the summit. Then I will be able to celebrate that I have actually achieved something. Maybe I should be looking at smaller summits. Or I might need more training to make myself longer ladders. I’m a hard worker and would happily engage with any amount of work in order to reach the any summit. I guess I just have to find my own mountain.
Please, do not think I am complaining I’m just sharing. I deal with these mountains every day not only in my personal life but also in my professional life. I live my life in a range of unattainable mountains. You can imagine that after trying to climb a few I do get very depressed. However, I do tend to bounce back, smile and carry on. My only worry is that there might come a time when, to coin a popular poster quote from the 80s, my get up and go, has got up and gone.